The Next Best Thing
by starcrab
Summary: Ruthie mulls over why Lucy is letting everyone run over her, and the connection between how Annie and Kevin treat her.


_Author's Note: This is a story about Lucy and Annie, from Ruthie's perspective. How did Lucy go from being the self-confident, idealistic girl to being a complete spineless wimp? _

The family has changed so much over the last few years. I keep trying to figure out when things began to change. Maybe it was when Matt left, or when Mom had the twins. The problems with Mary certainly contributed. I know that Mom and Dad were worried about Simon and his attitude, how dark his attitude got overnight. Dad's surgery and crisis of faith. And I think…well, I hate to admit it, but I certainly played a part. My sneaking around, keeping things quiet…I wonder if I could have changed things.

But this is how things are now. Dad is still depressed and afraid. The twins are so quiet and wrapped up in each other. Simon is pulling away, and Mary is completely insane, and Lucy is going to marry a guy that scares me. And Mom…

You know, that's where the problems with Lucy started. Lucy and Mom were so close when we were younger. I think Mom saw a lot of herself in Lucy, and Lucy wanted to do everything to make Mom happy. It sounds like that would be a problem. But so long as Mom was giving back to Lucy as much as Lucy gave her, it was good for both of them. Lucy had Mom's love, and approval, and support, and Lucy was so happy that she made the entire house glow. Mom reveled in Lucy's hero worship. I was jealous, sometimes, but their love wasn't selfish. There was room for me.

And then Mom changed. Simon and I try to avoid her now. She snaps at everyone, including Dad, and even the twins. The tone of her voice when she talks to us is harsh. But Simon and I, we manage. Simon can leave the house; Dad focuses on the twins and his writing. The twins wrap up in their little twin-world with their own language and games. I have school and Peter to keep me busy.

But Lucy…

Lucy could barely get her mouth open to tell Mom she didn't want the big wedding with orchids and Grandma's dress. She cried for hours after getting up her courage to do it. And Mom got nasty – refusing to help her, letting her stumble through the process herself.

The only good things about it was that Kevin had told Lucy to express her feelings. One of the few supportive things the jerk ever does. Of course, a few hours later, he turned around and started riding her again. "I'm not one of those modern grooms who wants to be involved in everything," he told her. He told her it was her fault that Mom was acting like a shrew. I could feel his satisfaction as Lucy tried to make things better – throwing herself under Mom's feet to be trampled again, letting herself take the blame for something that she did not cause.

Lucy keeps coming back to Mom, even though the rest of us have given up. She wants her Mommy back, the woman who supported her through everything that she ever went through. She wants the support from which she got her strength.

It's not there anymore.

What she has – what we've all got now – is a woman who is bitter, frustrated, and angry, and doesn't flinch at taking it out on all of us. She's only happy when she gets everything she wants. And even Lucy cannot bow and scrape enough to give her that.

But Lucy has something else. She's got Kevin, and his nasty temper. Maybe it's just because he gets as frustrated as the rest of us, when Lucy just knuckles under. Maybe he just sees her weakness and takes advantage of it. Or maybe he hopes that if he pushes her hard enough, she'll finally snap back.

It hasn't happened. It's just going to get worse with him. He could hit her. He could push her so hard she turns even more inward and starts to hurt herself. Lucy will never yell at him – she doesn't have the strength any more. Sometimes Lucy looks so tired, as if she hasn't slept or eaten for days. My beautiful sister, who I used to want to be. Now I just want that old sister back.

Lucy is looking to Kevin for the love and support Mom used to give her. In place of that, she'll take anything she can get. Kevin is just like Mom.

Mean, and bitter, and angry, willing to destroy anything that is weaker.


End file.
